Rejection Sensitivity & ADHD:When It Feels Like Rejection (But Isn’t)

Sumiko Stacey
Jul 30
3 min read

Reclaiming Your Story From ADHD’s Automatic Reactions

by Sumiko Stacey, ADHD Life Coach

Have you ever felt a wave of rejection so strong it hits you before you even have time to think?

Maybe someone didn’t reply to your message right away. Maybe a friend seemed distant. Maybe a colleague didn’t say hello like they usually do.

And just like that, your heart sinks. You feel dismissed, unimportant, unwanted. Your brain concludes: They’re upset with me. I did something wrong. I’m being rejected.

But what if… none of that is actually true?

For many people with ADHD, this isn’t just a passing thought, it’s a deeply felt, often automatic emotional experience. It can be part of something called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), a heightened emotional response to perceived or expected rejection.

The pain feels real, even when there's no actual rejection happening.

Even in the face of real rejection, you can’t control others’ thoughts or reactions, but your next step is always yours to choose.

When a Prediction Becomes a Belief

Here’s what often happens in the ADHD brain:

We expect rejection (often based on past experiences).
Our brain predicts rejection, even in neutral situations.
We then perceive and interpret things through that lens.
We react emotionally, as if we’ve already been rejected.

And this reaction feels so true that we don’t pause to ask:

Is this really what's happening?

Instead, we jump straight to conclusions. We withdraw. We beat ourselves up. We stop reaching out, avoid opportunities, and begin to live smaller, more cautious lives, all based on a belief that felt true, but wasn't.

Pause Before the Pattern Takes Over

The good news is: This pattern isn’t fixed. You can shift it, and it starts with noticing.

Next time you feel that wave of rejection:

Pause. Don’t rush to label what’s happening.
Breathe. Let your body settle before your brain makes a judgment.
Ask yourself gently:
Is there any other explanation that could be true?
Could this have nothing to do with me?

It might be the other person is stressed, distracted, or having a tough day. It might not be rejection at all.

Your Brain Can Learn New Predictions

This is where ADHD coaching can be powerful. We work on strengthening your brain’s ability to pause, reflect, and make more helpful predictions instead of jumping to automatic conclusions.

We practice asking:

What else could this mean?
What do I know for sure?
How do I want to respond in a way that reflects my values, not my fear?

And over time, these questions become habits. The emotional intensity softens. Your world opens up.

Embodied Practice: Train Your Brain Differently

Rewiring these patterns isn’t just mental, it’s physical too. ADHD brains benefit from movement, breathwork, and somatic experiences that help regulate the nervous system and build resilience.

Here’s a practice you can try:

Unfamiliar yoga movement: Do a slightly challenging pose you don’t usually do or a balance pose.
Notice the discomfort. Stay with it. Breathe.
Say to yourself: It’s okay to feel uncomfortable. I don’t need to escape it right now.

This helps your brain learn that discomfort doesn’t equal danger. And that not knowing something for sure doesn’t mean assuming the worst.

From reaction to intention

Your reactions are reflexive, they’re patterns your brain learned to "protect" you.

But now you’re learning to choose differently.

To pause, get curious, and explore broader possibilities. To make space for growth and nuance. To live not from fear, but from your truth, your values, and your strength.

It’s not always about you. And even if it is, you can't control how others think or react, but you have the power to choose your next step.

Want support navigating these patterns?

I can help you recognise the stories that hold you back and reconnect with your values, strengths, and self-trust. 👉 Learn more about ADHD coaching with me here: https://www.coachsumiko.com